Too many to choose from…..

Yesterday was just like any other day for me. Go to work, go to the store and go home and hang w/ Dakota and relax. So, I am at my desk, feeling like a one armed paper hanger, when my boss ventures by and notices my shopping list. Seems harmless enough right?!?!?! WRONG. Let me share w/ you the list.
*eggs
*Lowfat Yogart
*Turkey dogs (sale $.88)
*Club soda
*Condoms
EEEERRRRCCCCHHHHHHHHH
HOLY MOTHER OF GOD…

So acting like it’s no big deal as we are all adults. She says, hey, how is it going? Are you busy enough? (As she hands me the list) I advised her that I was taking lunch at my desk today and I was just putting down my list so I don’t over spend due to my budget this week. She started laughing. OK well good luck at the store. GOOD LUCK??? I really didn’t get it, until I was standing at the isle of condoms.

THERE I WAS…I am standing in the Pharmacy section. HOW EMBARASSING. They have this wide variety in a glass case next to the cold pills and Sudafed. To complicate things, the isle was only big enough to get the buggy thru and the remaining part of the isle was 6 people watching intently on the counter, and now me looking at the condoms inside the glass case. So here I am looking at this glass case of condoms, while 6 onlookers are staring at me. Feeling a bit like a Whore (thanks Molly) I decide to move on and get the rest of my list. I get all my items and look back to the pharmacy section and see not only the same six people but a circus of people hanging out at the counter. SO we will just go elsewhere. I remembered that Target was on the way and I could zip in and out.

WRONGGGGGGGGG

I get to Target and go to the Pharmacy section….HOLY SHIT!!! There are 60 billion brands to choose from….Now just to clarify, I have not purchased Condoms since….I can’t even remember that far back I have always been in a committed relationship and my significant others had their own preference and bought what they wanted, but never really asked me to buy them. I equate this to me asking my S.O. (Significant Other) to buy me feminine hygiene items. OK. So I am standing in front of this shelf. I am blown away by the selection. There are colors. They have red, yellow, blue, green, and gold (sorry I did not see any black ones Molly) They had flavors, lubricated, silky for her pleasure, sensitive, small, medium, and large, generic and of course plain Trojans.

So now I am overwhelmed with choices. (FYI NOT a good thing for me) So I buy something that is for ME? Do I buy a small med or large…OH I am very sorry AVERAGE (Which I am still trying to figure out what a cruel person came up w/ that in association w/ the Man stick). EEKKK. What do I do here? I can’t Punt! BEANS AND RICE. So I do the next logical thing, I pickup the package and flip it over to read the back. WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?!?!?! I was HOPING to find any information as to WHY the ribbed was any better than the generic brand of Trojan. (Smokin Steve’s/Trumps Brand name lecture fresh in mind). What do I see? The equivalent of Crickets, at a bad theater performance.*Chirp Chirp* They have several bulleted sayings and that is it. No directions, no chemical FDA info…WHAT? Tell me WHY you are better than the other box…Throw me a bone here…BAWWAAHHH

So now do I go for the 12 pack for $5.14 or do I go for the 24 pack that is $7.89. (Keep in mind I am not even having sex, but just want to KNOW that should the situation arise, that I am one prepared girl scout!) Well, now what? Oh, I still am trying to figure out which “style” I want. SO in my desperation I grab the 12 pack, of lubricated name brand Trojans. DONE. I am one prepared girl Scout!! I get to the Pharmacy counter and I swear the HOTTEST MAN in months is standing behind to help me w/ my purchase. OMG. I am snapped out of my drooling when he asked, “Can I get you anything else”? (Switching to internal monologue here: OF Course. Hello, I am buying condoms…Can I get your number? Can I run off and just hide in my embarrassment. OH, Wait *whoop whopp* Gadar is going off…he’s GAY…Thank god!) “Um no thanks, just the box”.

Guys, if you have any advise as a “guy” and the user of these devices…I would appreciate a shout out as to what YOU think. I am baffled as I have always thought this would be a really personal preference….Can you throw the girl a bone here???