It is back to school tomorrow, so I figured I could procratinate with a quick post!
Last week I disclosed that there is "New Guy" on the scene and he and I have really connected. Thankfully, he lives here in PHX so that is helpful while the beginings of dating are at hand. In the "get to know you phase", it's all cute questions about favorite colors, food, sexual postitions...(well what
ME: So what is your favorite color?
New Guy (NG): Olive
ME: What? Isn't that something you EAT?
NG: *Chuckles*
ME: OK so that is unique. What is your favorite food?
NG: Italian
Me: OH I get it now...Olive...Italian...
NG: *chuckles* You are so funny.
ME: "funny"? like a clown? Like I amuse you?"
NG: Exactly.
So now I have this "problem" I couldn't help on our several dates to notice that he wears Obsession colone for Men. I HATE, HATE, HATE that scent. Here is why. In College I had a VERY negative experience (I said "NO" and MAN-DATE thought that ment do it anyway...you get the picture). Ever since that ANY time I smell it, I get defensive and extreemly irritated. I keep trying to remind myself that it is not ALL men who wear it are like that jerk whom kharma took care of.
So while getting my Brother a new bottle of colone (the Raulph Lauren knock off YUMMIE) They had a buy one get the other 1/2 off. I couldn't refuse. I got 2 bottles. My gawd a trip to the movies is more than I paid for this "gift".
Last night I told him that I had a HUGE favor to ask. here is how it went:
ME: I have a huge favor to ask you.
NG: really? What? (~rubs chin with hand nervously~)
ME: Would it be possible for you NOT to wear Obsession Colone anymore? I mean at least around me?
NG: OH?? Why? It is one of my favorites, and I just got a new bottle. I wouldn't want to waste it! (I love that he is about as tight fisted as me! HOT)
ME: Well, I'd rather not get into details, but let's just say, that I associate it with a MAN whom did something to me. It just was a VERY negative horrible thing and he wore that colonge. I know it's a HUGE favor.
NG: Well, I just got a brand new bottle. I will only wear it if I know I won't be seeing you.
ME: WOW. Thanks. Well, not to make you feel weird, but I bought you this colonge that I do like and it makes me GRRRRRRR HAPPY! *smerks and winks eye* I have nothing but WONDERFUL memories with this scent. ~hands box w/ colonge in it~
NG: You DID NOT have to do this ~smile on face, cat who ate the canary smerk~ [[[he nervously opens the box, investigates the packaging and sprays on box]] OHHHHHHH I really like that. It's fresh smelling. WOW. Thank you. ~leans in for a smooch~
ME: You are welcome. ~Gives NG a kiss~
Now I am worried about a couple of things. DID I possibly offend him? Is there a better way to handle this? When is a good time to share the details of a negative experience, If EVER. I've been lucky enough that I really haven't had to disclose this horrible memory to many (freaks people out, then they do the tilt head, and "AWWWWWHHHH comment" followed by the arm rub support/sympathy pats.)? I don't want to offer tooooo much info, but I don't want to seem like I am holding anything back. I think that I should wait for a question from him as to if he wants to hear more, right? Well, Maybe this is why I am single so long? Advice? Words of wisdom? Buller? ANYONE???
16 Left me pearls of wisdom:
Another possible strategy is this. Whenever he is wearing Obsession, simply rip off all his clothes, and your own clothes of course, and jump into the shower together to wash his smell away.
The water bill might be expensive, but it would sure be fun! :)
Hey! Thanks for visiting my blog! You rock!
I can't remember how I got to your page, but have been lurking for about a week now...
anyway, I think it's a good plan just to say "I have a bad memory that I can't help but remember when I smell that cologne. Since I never want to associate those bad feelings with you, could you try this other one that makes me want to take off my panties?" or something of the sort. It tells him why without telling too much, and let's him know it's definitely not him. I think you handled it quite well! Although Dan's idea is good too.
From a guys perspective, I'd say you did just fine with this. If you really are uncofortable with this smell, you should say something. You don't want to say too much, but you want to make it clear that you're not just being controlling. I think what you said was perfect. If he asks at some point you can fill him in with whatever details you feel comfortable sharing.
Super - You did just fine. Relax, guys dont get offended over stuff like that.
If it were me, I would've thought you handled it perfectly. Giving him the bottle of what YOU like was an *excellent* touch. God, I would've been putty in your hands after that.
The ONLY thing I would say is the fact that you bought a knock-off. Maybe I am a cologne snob. But it was nice to have that to fall back on, I don't like your cologne, so maybe you will like this!
For pretty much every occasion my b/f gets a new bottle of perfume! His latest, for x-mas was Bvlgari! YUMMO
girl, you did fine don't sweat it.
SS: If you're asking us, you have doubts. Personally, it's way too early to bring in the asshole ex boyfriend deal. Go slow and feel him out still.
Dan: Welcome Back! LOL ;o) I like your direction for SURE!!! I guess after the 3rd date we can start thinking that way...naked???
Wandering: A new stalker..I mean fan! WHOOO HOOO!!!
@buy4: Thank you. I am SUPER sensitive to smells and such that even a hint of it makes me sweat. SO I had to tell him I mean how am I supposed to "get it on" when all my nerves are saying RUN LIKE HELL!!!!
Rain: I just never know...Thank you! It's how my brother suggested...I just tried it...
Jim: ~note to self, buy Jim some stink pretty~ LOL ;o)
Jen: OH please like a guy is going to know it's a knock off?? LOL ;o) His as tight fisted as me...He LOVES to save a penny, and that was the last thought on his mind! Especially after he spritzed himself and I JUMPPED him right there! LOL ;o)
Dirty: PHEW!!! I just need the choir to preach to me today.
FairMaiden: Not an ex-boyfriend...a date gone WAY WRONG...GAWD if only it was ex-boyfriend. I could have IAI take him out! ;o) LOL ;o) JK...I will wait for a cue from him as to the discussion. I mean, most guys KNOW not to ask questions that they don't want to know the anwser to...ya know???
I think it's hawt that you got him cologne to replace the one that's going to go into the toilet.(and yes, we know that's where it's going)
I wear obsession of armpit as a cologne...
It's slighlty worse than the other obsession. ;)
Steve~
I think you handled it just fine...be yourself..cause that is all you can ever be...He should love love love you for you..and you don't like that colone..who can blame you...really do they still sell that colone...really...bonus he got a gift from you how sweet of you!!
You go girrrll
Jali: Who can complain about a $35 bottle of stink pretty eh?
Just: LOL ;o) Thank you!
Novak: LOL ;o) I have to say, not what I would have thought a guy like you to say.
Thanks for stopping by..I guess this means that you are ~home~ from vaca?!?!?!
So digging Dan's idea. That's great!!
I think you did fine. I wouldn't worry about it at all. Funny, with Ralph Lauren--I hate Polo but love Romance. OMG, that stuff rocks. Is that what you got him? Besides if you were wering something he didn't like for negative reasons, you'd change it wouldn't you? I would. I think that's just a respectful thing to do. And kudos on your honesty!
--snow
You did just fine, no problem whatsoever.
Obsession brings me back to HS and the HS boyfriend ... to this day if I smell it, I have a compulsion to strip down to me knee socks ...
FYI - ~ makes mental note to put college guy on the hit list ~
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