I was really ready to be back to school today. I go crazy without enough to keep me busy. I know what you are thinking, fellow bloggers, "She had her nieces, her glowing bar business and New guy". All true enough. I am one of those people that needs CONSTANT movement. I have to be going somewhere and doing something. If and when I am not, I feel as though I am burning daylight.
This is also one of the reasons that I firmly beleive that New Guy will work out well in my life. He is the same way. "Got's to be going, doing, cleaning, go go go go!"
What is the "problem" now you might be asking? Well, simple. [[enters ex-girlfriend of NG]] So while things seem to be moving along well for NG and I, EX Girlfriend has entered the picture. The ex girlfriend whom has not called once in the last nine months, but whose son called on Sunday, to ask NG over for dinner because "WE have something we would like to talk to you about." ~ahem~ Shame on her for using her son to manipulate...grrrrrr this makes me so angry. Here is the convo:
Me: So, if the the question "WE" has, is to get back together, what do you think your response would be?
NG: I don't know. I have not a clue what the discussion is even going to be about. So I don't even want to talk about that.
ME: So you don't even want to play the "what if game?"
NG: Right. I don't want to get everyone all upset without even knowing what it is about.
Me: Then WHY would you tell me this?
NG: I just want you to know.
Me: So you would get back together with her? ~shock and amazment sound in voice~
NG: I didn't say that. I said would do anything for her son.
Me: ~slience~*crickets chirping*
NG: Hello? You know I thought you would be more understanding and supportive.
Me: I will support you, I am just trying to figure this out and I can only react based on the limited information you have provided. So, since you don't want to do the "what if game" Then there is nothing I can do to "role play" or "troubleshoot" this senario with you. I am a problem solver and when you have a problem, I am there. Until then, this is pointless.
NG: Well, I just want to be honest with you.
Me: There is a thing as being TOO honest. Especially when you dodged the whole "getting back together question".
So now I am stunned into silence, as our budding relationship is so new and fresh. I mean we are still on stink pretty and fav color/food for crying out loud. I just have to believe that the statment "I would do anything for her son" would include revitalizing a relationship. Maybe I am leaping FAR off the toad stool here, but based on my dating history and past experiences, I can not help but to think that this a giant RED flag.
I love that he wants to "be" there for her son. I just find it ODD that after 9 months and our recent "sightings" on the dates that this isn't some kind of ploy the ex-girlfriend is using to real him back into her life. If she is ~rubs index finger on hand~ Tisk tisk tisk. I mean using the putty...shame on her!
Anyone else have a take on this?
Monday, January 08, 2007
Back to school...
Single Suburbian blah blah blah from Superstar at 4:04 PM
15 Left me pearls of wisdom:
Trust him :)
and hey, woman wants honesty! :P
If he's dumb enough to get back together with her then he's a dumb ass and not worth your time. However, it may be something as simple as she wants to work out a way for him to spend time with her son because he misses him.
By all accounts she isn't necessarily a BAD person (that we know of) She may have ligit reasons for wanting to talk to him.
I don't like this one bit. Sounds like the Ex knows exactly which buttons to push with him. It's not a good scene for him, but if he doesn't realize this, then there may be trouble.
I'm with Dirty Birdie (whose name I LUUUUUURVE).
This is a job for "supermouthshutgirl"
Let it ride and see what happens, don't ASSUME he is going to do the stupid thing, let him do it if he is gonna 'n' then you kick him to the curb with (say it with me now) J U S T I F I C A T I O N
No matter how crazy this is making you--and if it's not--it's making me crazy, but I think it's just because of my recent experience. At any rate, my advice...stick with innocent until proven guilty. It bothers me, but again, if it's nothing and you make a big deal out of it, you know what will happen. You'll be cast as the "psycho jealous chick" and we all know that's not you.
Did I mention how much I totally hate ex-girlfriends who can't leave well enough alone? Ugh! Hang in there sweetie!
--snow
If this is a ploy NG will see it. There must be a reason he left EX in the first place. If he's willing to do that you must trust him to not go back to her.
Sometimes the hardest thing to do is shut up and be supportive. But that doesn't mean you can't do it.
i so agree with dirty, if he falls for the ploy (if this is one) then he didn't deserve you in the first place.
i don't understand this whole "staying in touch with the ex" business. my ex's, after saying our goodbyes, i've never seen again. mostly due to the fact we lived in different places and ran in different social circles.
did he know this child since babyhood and this is the reason he still feels so close to him? its not his biological son right? (people may disagree with me) but i don't think its healthy for him or the boy to continue with a relationship after the mother and him broke up. thats just me anyway, if i had split with a guy and my kids still liked and wanted to see him i would slowly phase him out of their lives cause really MY ex's i don't care to see over and over again.
if he needs a male role model where is his dad? if there is no dad, male family member? one of her friends for a role model?
m
M - I see where you are coming from. However, as my father was not a part of my life, when my mom and her 2nd husband got divorced he remained a large part of my life. I even called him Dad, even though they had only been together for 2 years. He is still apart of my life 25 years later and I'm closer to him than his own son. So close in fact that I'm his sole beneificiary (a bomb he dropped on me about a month ago.)
That said perhaps New Guy is the best option the Ex has as a positive male role model for kiddo. Sad as that is.
Oh and Super... we need a status update, like NOW, thank you please!!
1. I like that he told you.
2. I think she's a devious bitch.
3. I know a lot of guys who fall for that kid angle.
4. Keep your eyes open, you have good judgment. If the "meeting" turns into more meetings, he's got to go b/c he's getting sucked in to the web.
Also, if the kid has been doing OK for nine months without NG, why does he need the "influence" now? Seriously?
Let him make his own way with this, you know he'll be honest with you. But use that noggin of yours, if the situation starts to smell like trash, then the garbage needs to be taken out.
birdie, i think being in a marriage with someone totally changes things. for sure when people break up and the biological father isn't in the picture then by all means continue to have a relationship. living with the child and having them call them "dad" is so much different than mommy's boyfriend that lived with us for a bit or some guy that mommy saw for awhile, does that make sense?
and yes status report super!!!
m
Wow you ladies are canning him a little to quick arnt you? He is only going because the kid asked him to. The WE part is weird but maybe they just want to ask him to take the kid to some event for guys only or something? Dont let IAI shoot him until he fucks up. :)
Then she can make him disapear
Red Hot: Trust is earned and so far he is doing ok...time will tell
Wandering: NO son and I am not even sure if she saw us together, but as far as "bar drama" goes people talk...I have not met her I only know the small part he has shared...
Dirty: I don't think he would take her back..I am just wondering, is the child really able to be the "ploy" for her to get him? Was he that IN love? I don't even know how long they were "together for" So many questions....I am in a holding pattern until Wed night when they are having the big "dinner" in which "we" want to "talk to you".
Los: You are like a big brother! LOL ;o) Thank you.
Scottsdale girl: I have not called him, I have not sent a text...I am waiting for him to "reach out" when he wants to talk. I am thinking that it won't be until Thursday...*sigh*
Snowelf: They are a EX for a reason right??? I don't like this "EX" thing one bit.
2buy4: Me keep my BIG mouth shut!?!?!?!? I do better at saving the world from a nucular bomb! BAWWWAAHHHH!
Molly: Son is NOT biological, the "father" pays support and is active in his life, however like DB was saying, there is a bond there. Enough that NG moved in w/ his parents and is still paying rent at EX's house so that son can stay at school, and neighbors to play with. Meanwhile Father of EX is buying house for Daughter and grandson...anyone else need a family tree? LOL :O)~
IAI: I know what has son been doing for 9 months? These are all questions that I am DIEING to ask, but he didn't want to play "What if" so I could very well demand we get into all these...I like that he told me, but I don't like that we are not talking about it objectivly, as though his feelings are some "secret" a non issue...You know? I would want to talk about possible solutions and outcomes...I guess he doesn't??? Then he said, he didn't want to get me all upset without knowing what the whole dinner/conversation would be about...*sigh* grumbling to self
Rainman: No one is getting fired...yet. He is stepping up and advising me w/ enough that I am CAUSTIOUS with my heart, and my direction.
Overall people I am just as in the dark as if he had said nothing at all. He hasn't called since Sunday when we talked last about this, nor has he texted me...no e-mail for that matter. Last week at this time he was lighting up the phone, e-mail and airwaves w/ conversation/questions...etc.
I fear this may have been a "fly by" goose...Danger will Robinson, danger...moment....
IAI: I will e-mail you w/ more details...
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