Learn How to...

DRIVE!!!
The following is a RANT about the Effing AZ drivers. If you were not the A-hole on my azz this morning, then I am NOT talking to you.

Dear Tailgater,
Get off my azz. OSHA has given more than one warning that should more than 2 people be on my backside at any given time, I will need to install hand rails.
Driving so close that SHOULD I need to stop quickly, you will be a passenger in my "alice" mobile, is NOT ok.
Should you want to carpool, please call me so we can arrange a ride.

I realize I am a HOT blonde and am applying my mascera. HOWEVER, I am at the same time able to use my directional (AKA blinkers). I am able to keep both eyes on the road, and one hand on the wheel. At any given time I am not tailgating or causing a potential PILE up from applying said mascera. I use my hands free phone equipment so that I can, *OHHHHH* head check my BLIND spot. WHY is it called a "Blind spot"? I will tell you why...Because for some reason UN KNOWN to me...people in AZ like to drive JUUUUUUUSSSSST Out-side the mirror, and FORCE you to LOOK before you change lanes.
~shakes head~
Look tailgater driver, you sitting on my bumper the WHOLE time down the I-17 freeway will NOT, I repeat NOT make the Trucker in front of me go ANY FASTER!!!! I know ~shakes head~ I seems perfectly logical, but it is just the facts.
ALSO, One final thing. Unless you are entering or exiting the freeway, GET OUT OF THE Merging lane. If you want to drive slow...GET OUT OF the FAST LANE. That is the one on the left, NOT the RIGHT. The right lane is for MERGING traffic and SLOW grandma/non city folk to use. Tractors??? Do you HEAR me???

Finally, I hope all you Californian's can figure this tailgating thing is NOT ok here. If you don't like it, sell your Scottsdale Mansion and move back to your West Hollywood, Property Ladder shanty.
*sigh*
{{{{gasps}}}}}
OK I think that should cover it.
*end rant*

I feel better...Anyone else wanna join me?
*giggles*