PET RULES To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.
Dear Dogs and Cats,
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this.
Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough! To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
ATTENTION **** To All Non-Pet Owners ****Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less.
2. Don't ask for money all the time.
3 Are easier to train.
4. Usually come when called. ( I can put a choke collar on them and I don't have to deal with CPS)
5. Never drive your car. (God I would hope not)
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends.
7. Don't smoke or drink.
8. Don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions.
9. Don't wear your clothes.
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college.
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Found this and fell in love!
Single Suburbian blah blah blah from Superstar at 1:00 PM
8 Left me pearls of wisdom:
ROFLMAO - I would only like to add:
#1. My ass is not a nose warmer, my ass smells the same as it did yesterday, STOP SNIFFING MY ASS!
#2. The pool is for MY relaxation, you are invited into the pool at my leisure, it is not necessary for you to run the fence line barking at me. I know you are there, I just don't care. Get job, buy your own pool.
Cats are annoying.
If they weren't so damn cute, I'd never pet one.
Aspen (the new dog I have threatened to return to the pound 5 times in the last week) has the Nascar stairs thing going on in my hood too. This morning, he tried to paw the shower door open while I was in there. Why? He hates water.
LMAO! i love the dogs are better than children!!
love it! :)
m
I'm posting that on my back door this afternoon.
My 6 month old Brittany spaniel Pup and 8 year old German Shorthaired Pointer get what we call the "Zoomies" at night. They run flat out, butt tucked low, flying around the back yard or house at light speed until they either crash into my legs or a heavy piece of furniture. And dont get me started on the bathroom whining.
Can we have rules for fish?
Dirty: LOL At the pool!
Rev Smokin': My ex roomie referred to cats ass the "other white meat"..I like cats, I just can't stand the litterbox smell. I just love how aloof they are!
Wench: Does Aspen have a "bed or a kennel? You may need to Kennel train him. I did that with Dakota, as she would have panic/anxiety attacks when I would leave. The Vet told me that in her mind I was leaving and NEVER coming back.
We got her trained to her "house" and in storms she will go hide in there! LOL ;o)
Rain: Do you ever try the "fake out" run? LOL ;o) They go blasting off and you stand there?? I used to get a chuckle at it...
Los: Rules for a fish? Feed it, don't kill it! ;o) I think that covers it!!!
CM: AWWWWW *sniff* he only had his dog for 1 day??? 3 sons?? I am sending out Love and admiration for the mother! WOW LUCKY YOU!!! I WOULD MUCH RATHER HAVE GIRLS!!! Until they are 11. Then it's shot gun city! LOL ;o)
My pitbull did the shower door whining thing, so I would just let him in the shower with me. It came as quite a shock when I had to adopt him to a family friend and he got a cold nose up the rear in the shower one day.
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