New Guy the season finale

While some of you are scratching your heads and wondering "what the F*ck is WRONG with Bambi"...Bambi is so much better", "bambi couldn't possibly need an IAI intervention" thoughts...I will give you the 2 hour finale.

~Ahem~

~Cue Music, Settlin' By Sugarland~

~clips from commercials and scenes in the previous episodes: The kiss *gasps* the slapping face, the stink pretty gift, and the happy as a clam at high tide Bambi, smitten with new guy. Then the scenes fade to the EX and her stinnky kid, the NEW guy not making up his mind WHO he wants....What will happen in the finale~

~fade to current scene~
Bambi is driving on Friday night when we left her going to work:
She gets a text message:

NG: Hey I really am sorry and I can't wait to make it up to you.(text)

ME: ~smerk on face, thinking YEAH PROVE IT!!!~

Saturday

Text from New guy:

NG: Hey babe, how was your night?

ME: Fine


NG Hey I got tickets to the open, can I take you?

ME: WHEN and it depends.

NG: Oh they are for Sunday and VIP tent w/ ******** (local co not to be named)

ME: Oh well, in that case...maybe. I would like that..BUT what time?

NG: I will pick you up at 9am

ME: ~9AM?!?!?! HELL NO! I need my beauty rest~

NG: Well, that is when they tee off...what time later would be good?

Me: I will be ready at 10am

NG: Then I will pick you up then.

ME: UM HMMM

Saturday night: I get a delivery of flowers from "flower vender" that I know from NG
So Bambi calls NG to thank him:
ME: Hey thanks for the flowers!

NG: You are welcome.

Me: So how did you know that Las Vegas was my fav?

NG: I did some detective work.

ME: OH Tim the rose man told you?

NG: I wanted to do pink, but he told me for you, that the other was your fav.

Me: HMMMM, I think I should chat w/ Tim and remind him....some things.;o)

Sunday morning:

NG: texts me: HOLY CRAP! Can't find tickets...will call in a couple of min

Me: UMMM HELLO it's 1030AM?? I have been up and getting CUTE for an hour and YOU
LOST THE TICKETS?!?!?!?

UN-F**KING-BELIEVEAVLE!!!

NG: I KNOW I am so mad at myself!
I will call you and keep you in the loop.

~1/2 hour goes by~

NG: Still, no tickets, I think I left them at the office and I don't have the security codes to get in on the weekends.

Me: Call a co-worker...they are $50 tickets w/ the VIP passes for ******* tent! I want to go! I can't believe that no one can let you in for crying out loud.

NG: Let me call Bryan...
Me: Well let me know.

~1/2hour *tick tock*~

NG: I can't find them and it's noon!

Me: Well, sorry, I am going to go to a superbowl party with my friends.

NG: Let me take you.
Me: OH you will be taking me alright. I did my hair and I look TOO cute to just SIT my happy azz at home.

NG: LOL ;o) OK I will be there at 3:30 to get you.
Me: Well I won't set a roast to that time. ~snarky and smart~

3:30*knock*knock*


NG: Hey sweetie ~hugs me~

Me: Hey, ok let me get my purse and we can be off!

NG: YOu are so dressed up! Don't you want to change to jeans?

Me: ~looks at pants and cute top~ Um Excuse me? YOu are not dressed and you want me to Change?

NG: ~looks confused~ OH NO I just thought since it's a sports bar you would rather wear jeans.

Me: Look, Mr Fashion police...I look adorable and I am not draggin out 1. a pair of jeans that are too big (clpas hands to self) and 2. spend the next 20 min getting all cute again...~looks in mirror again to be sure I am ok w/ how I look!~

Superbowl party

Bambi and NG get to the bar and sit wil friends from Bar.

Friends: Hey glow girl, what you are not working
Me: HELL no! I am going to be a drinking, football watchin' mama!
Friends: That is so great. Too bad there are some things that I would love to buy.
Me: *wink* good I will getcha Friday night!

~1st quarter~*2 drinks in*

NG: Phone vibes
Me: ~looks at NG go to out front to talk on phone.
NG: ~talking on phone, looks upset~
Me: Hey everything ok?
NG: Yeah

2nd Quarter*2 drinks and a shot*=5drinks

NG: ~looks at phone and goes out front to talk again~

Me: ~Looks to see if he is ok~

Me: Hey is everything ok? You keep looking at your phone and talking on it.

NG: Nervous looking away: OH i have money on the game.

Me: Oh so you have to talk to a bookie in the 2nd quarter? RIGHT!

NG: LOL UM NO that was my mom ~shows me phone and call log~

Me: ~looks~ UM HMMM, OK

~3rd quarter~ 3 more drinks, 2 shots=10 total, 2 finger sammy's and some french fries

Friends: Oh so is this your "boyfriend" ???

Me: ~rolls eyes~ Umm we are on a date, so we will have to see.

Friends: OH, well what is the deal w/ the relationship he has with his phone? Is it a perm attachment to the ear or what?

Me: ~rolls eyes again~ He says it's his MOM..BAWAAAHHHAAA...I don't know what's worse to think that it's really his mom or an EX or whatever.

Friends: ~laughing hysterically~ OMG girl! YOu know it's an Ex or his Mamma is going to come down here and kick your tail....

Me: ~Hold tummy and whips tears from eyes ~

~4th quarter~

Strange girl walks up to table and right up to NG and says: So is this the whore you are F**king?!?!?!

Me:(remember 11-12 drinks in a 4 1/2 hour time) LOOK little miss. You can have him.

NG: ~shocked head snap to me~ WHAT?!?!

Me: THats wrrrright JACK-AZZZ you are not worth all this ~uses 2 finger airline motion with both hands~

NG: Sh*t do you even know who this is?

Me: First I don't effing care, second, I am not a complete retard, and I would have to say um gezz your EX?!?!? The one that you couldn't make up your mind WHAT the hell?

~EX girl is grabing him by the BALLS and hitting and yelling at NG~

ME: Um excuse me I am leaving now.

NG: ~visably busy to stop me~

Me: ~walks over to friends and asks for cab or ride home.~ Hey can I get a ride?

Friends: NO sweat. Do you wanna go now?

Me: OMG could you? Would you? I am not sure if I want to laugh or cry!!!!

Friends: NO sweat!

~1 hour later while in the comfort of my home~

*pounding on the door*
NG: Hey can you let me crash here? (threw door)

Me: F**K NO !!!

NG: ~ponding on the door~ PAAAALLLLLLLLLLEASE???

ME: Go away!

NG: I have nowhere else to go.

ME: Look, I seriously don't need this BULLS*it in my life now or ever.

NG: I ave no where else to go.

Me: UM this is my problem HOW?!?!?!

NG: I just need to get sober.

Me: Well, do it in your car, cuz I can tell you, that you and you little drama can take it and shove it where the sun don't shine. I would rather DIE alone!

NG: Comeeee on, PAAALLLEEAAASSEE????
Next door people": HEY you sh*t head she said GO AWAY !!! (yelling loud)

NG: F*king mind your own business.

Me: GO before they call the police?!?!?!

NG: Just let me in....(pleading voice with whining *Bambi HATES whining*)

NDN:Look pal, don't make me get my monkey wrenches and kick your azz.

NG: SHUT UP~bangs on door~

ME: GO AWAY! ~shhhhh Dakota stop barking~ See Dakota says GO AWAY.

NG: Can I just get something to drink?

Me: I would say that is what is landed you on the front stoop.

~APT security guard arrives~
Renta cop: Everything ok here?

Me: NO he is drunk and won't go.

Renta Cop: Look Ng you are going to have to leave. I don't want to have to call 5.0(PHX PD).

NG: Mumbles and stumbles off to car.

~2 hours later~
*banging on door*

Me: Who is it?

NG: I am so very sorry

ME: Tell that to your EX. Go home to her.

NG: She locked me out and I can't get my stuff

Me: GOOD

NG: you won't open the door and talk?????

Me: There is nothing here to talk about and there is NOTHING in the world that you could say to fix this...THIS ~points like as if he could see me...~As far as you are concerned, I do not exist...disappear or I will call 5.0 JUST GO AWAY! PLEASE...You have done enough...

New Guy hugs the door and Bambi runs to her bed, crying, not because of NG, but because of her own self and jusdgement.... How could she have not seen it? How could someone that was so...had such...potential be this F**ked up?

~Bambi gets in fetal position with teddy bear crying not because NG is gone, but for the empty felling left behind, the hope and chance that someone might be the "one" the companion she has been serching for...camera pans out to wide shot~

**sexy, HOT New guy #2 lurks around the corner, when will they meet? Will Bambi ever find true and lasting love, friendship and family???~

~cue music, Settlin" Sugarland...I aint settlin' for anything less than everyhing, YEAH!"~
*end season one*