So I had date number three with PT guy. I invited him over for dinner and he suggested that we watch a movie. So, I asked him to bring the movie and I would take care of dinner. He arrived with wine for the dinner and my meal was complete.
So when will the other shoe drop? I think it might have. He tells me that I am SUPER attractive and that I am great, but he "worries". I asked him what he meant. He said, I am worried because I don't have that "spark" in me, that I normally do by now with someone I am dating.
I said, "well, that could be, because we are dating people that we would not normally see from across the room and approach?" He agreed that we are not the same "type" of people that either of us would date. Then next thing he told me, is that he wants to be sure before getting more involved.
"worried"
"sure"
"spark"
Now, I am thinking, "when wil the other shoe drop". I know that these feelings in him are not about HOW I look, rather they are HIS feelings and HIS self ~points finger at self and wiggles it~ talking to him...
I know you only need a "spark" to start a fire, but a spark can also burn out so quick, it doesn't get anything started...So...bloggers now what? It sounds like I need to give him space to figure it out. He also is only six months out of a six YEAR realtionship. I need to be sure that I am not "rebound girl"
*sigh*
I really like him. We both agree that we LOVE and enjoy spending HOURS together. MALE bloggers especially, I need your advice on this end...Ladies..Feel free to chime in...I need all the comments I can get.
12 Left me pearls of wisdom:
Seems like you're heading to friend zone with this guy. He's probably thinking he doesn't want you, but you have hot friends.
Or he's one of those rare ones that actually wants to be friends for friends sake, even if he doesn't want anything more than that.
my two cents.
The best relationships have friendship as a foundation, so don't be afraid to give it a little time. (NOTE: I'm not talkin' years, here.)
Also, for a guy, 6 months after a relationship can be an eternity. Depends on the guy.
i hope this guy doesn't flake out any more on you. let him dangle for a bit. don't lose interest, but let him dictate pace. he'll come around if he's ready.
This guy is on his way out the door. Since you like him, you can stick around on the sidelines a bit to be sure (but make him do the work to see you from now on), but best to detach emotionally so it doesn't burn when he's out and the door has closed behind him. I'm quite certain he's making his exit now.
6 YEAR relationship? Oh honey, stand back and let him get his shit straight. You deserve one that doesn't have any qualms about being with you. You're too good for second rate!
Typical man!
i. He's telling you that he wants to take things slow.
ii. He needs to be sure of his choice. and decision.
iii. He wants to be your best friend first.
Wait and hold on. I had experience as a rebound bf... the ex came back. it sucks.
You have all the time in the world, give him his space and see what happens.
Keep your options open too.
Mike: I kinda like the idea of the "friend zone" first. Given my race car history of men that are here today and turn up pyscho later....
Jim: Timing is everything!!! HHEHEHEHE I thought you said you would wait forever for ME!!! HA! Just kiddin'
MiniJonB: I don't think this is him "flaking" I think this is someone who is genuine and caring. He is a Cancer sign, which is pesimistic by birth...he is an optimist at heart...I can see why he is conflicted!
OneDateWonder: I am actually encouraged at his honesty & the fact he wants to take things slow. Don't worry, I am keeping my dating book open for others, IF they are worthy!
RHAP: THANK YOU! You are the comment I needed to hear. LOL ;o) He LOVES that I told him to take his time and he was ENCOURAGED at my stressfree attitude about it. THANK GOD he can't hear the inner monologue!!!
Wenchy: Yeah? Well I agree, but I don't think it's all that! Besides you didn't like him from the start! ~ducks~
Really, I am guarding the heart! ~tips back Xantini~
Christina: I do have more time than money for SURE!!! HEHEHEHEH
Jen: LOL ;o) Sugar you crack me up!!!
Just enjoy each date as it happens - forget tomorrow for right now.
What movie did he bring?
Well I hate to say it, but from the little tiny bit I've read here, he sounds like he's "cooling" but doesn't have the cajones to come right out and say it. I mean really, who the hell says he's worried because he doesn't have that "spark" he normally has.
Ok, #1, what kind of man even makes a comment like this to a woman? "I don't have the spark I normally do." What a cop out statement. If I were you, I'd have likely responded with "Oh, well I'm sorry I don't light your fire like the other women." His saying this makes me wonder if he's also the kind of guy who actually keeps a scorecard of positives and negatives of the women he dates, as if someone can be reduced to a list of scores on a page.
And #2, what exactly is the "type" of person someone would normally date? Given his still being so recent from a long relationship, what he's probably REALLY saying is that you're not like his ex, whom he's so used to that he thinks that kind of woman is his "type."
I'd be kind to the dude, maybe contact him from time to time to be sure he's OK, but take it no further until he re-discovers his singular self outside of a long relationship. Otherwise you may find that you're the one in love and hurt when he gets over the ex and discovers you were a band-aid.
Darlin', I think you are the BOMB, but I'm also sure I am NOT the right guy for you (in other words, being a grown-up means facing reality, pleasant or not)... if you want details, feel free to email me...
Besides, there's a gal in Scotland who kinda has dibs on me.
;-]
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